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Goodness, Gracious, Great Balls of Granite! is a secondary quest in the Blood and Wine expansion. In it, someone has stolen the "crown jewels" from the statue of Reginald d'Aubry.

Wanted: Discreet Specialist
Wanted: professional to investigate mystery concerning Reginald d'Aubry's statue. Requirements: indomitable work ethic, absolute discretion and refinement in supernatural situations. Desirable: immaculate presentation, aesthetic sensitivity and knowledge of modern sculpture.
For details, please see Rolande de Flakfizer, Curator of Art and Collectibles.

Walkthrough

Pick this up either as on the notice board or by walking around Lolivier Square to hear a man, Rolande, crying out that the exhibition is closed. Approach him and he'll originally try to send you off, but regardless of how you learned of it, he'll wise up and ask Geralt for his help with a discreet matter. He'll then show you the statue of Reginald d'Aubry which is, for lack of better words, missing its balls/stones. You can then ask some about the situation before he leaves you to investigate.

You can examine the statue then, facing it, go down the left stairs to see something on the trellis at the next flight down, which will make a scent trail appear. There's also a small piece of evidence in the corner from here, next to the potted roses. Follow the scent out the front door. If you're having a hard time seeing it here (like during the day) the trail goes left and up the hill, left towards the market, then west, up the stairs next to the Perfumery, and then stops halfway up at a house, where you can hear some obvious noises.

Enter for a cutscene and answer however you want before the woman's husband shows up. You can just beat up the husband or use Axii on him for an extra 40 Tw3 icon xp. You then have 3 choices: agree to let Hughes keep them, disagree and take them back now, or lend them.

If you let him keep them, he'll give you 50 Oren3 then tells you to come back in a week and he'll give you twice as much. However, a week later, you learn he died, apparently from overexertion. The art curator is also upset, feeling all is hopeless without the stones back and no reward from him. There Can Be Only One info: this option counts as part of the chivalric virtue "compassion".

Lending or taking them back right then only differ on how long you must wait to turn in the quest. However long you wait, take them back to the art curator who's thrilled to have them back and tells you to return tomorrow and he'll let you see and stroke them for free, and gives you a Reginald figurine then ends the quest. There Can Be Only One info: these options count as part of the chivalric virtue "honor".

Journal Entry

If Geralt learns of it in passing:
A local art curator asked Geralt for help in a matter concerning the statue of Reginald d'Aubry – a local legend and national hero. Since the matter was of a delicate nature, he asked the witcher maintain absolute discretion. Geralt accepted the contract, not knowing he was in for quite the shock when the details of what he was to investigate and why were made known.
If Geralt learns of through a notice board:
On one of the notice boards of Beauclair Geralt found a very interesting contract. A certain man was looking for a discrete specialist in the supernatural. Geralt had the feeling this was directed at someone more or less just like him.
Geralt lets Hughes borrow the "stones" or directly takes them back:
Geralt was able to retrieve "Beauclair's most valuable jewels" and Reginald d'Aubry's statue was once again made whole. Thanks to this, both the curator and a great number of local matrons were highly satisfied, people in general were more relaxed and merry, a bumper crop of children was on its way and tourism to Beauclair reached new heights. All thanks to a humble witcher.
Geralt lets Hughes keep the "stones":
Geralt tracked down the thief and confronted him, only to be confronted himself with a most atypical offer. The man wanted to borrow "Beauclair's most valuable jewels" for a few more days so he could... finish some things. Geralt showed understanding (a nod being as good as a wink to our worldly friend) and promised to return in a week. Do you know the saying about the butterfly that flaps its wings in Kovir and causes a hurricane in Cintra? All decisions have entirely unpredictable consequences, and this was no exception – the poor Hughes' heart could not bear his amatory gusto and burst from overexertion. The witcher was left with half his reward and a guilty conscience.

Objectives

  • Talk to the art curator.
  • Using your Witcher Senses, investigate the crime scene.
  • Using your Witcher Senses, follow the scent.
  • Enter the house.
    • If you attack the husband:
      • Defeat the attacker.
    • If you let him keep them:
      • Wait 7 days and return to Hughes for your reward.
      • Return to Hughes for the second part of your reward.
      • Talk to the art curator.
    • If you lend them:
      • Wait 1 day.
      • Return to Hughes.
      • Talk to the art curator.
    • If you make him give them up:
      • Talk to the art curator.

Trivia

Notes

  • If Sir Reginald d'Aubry's manhood has been restored, touching the fig leaf confers a Buff called "the Power of Reginald" which Grants 60:00 of Unlimited Endurance.(i.e. Run and never get tired.) The Statue is in Lolivier Square on the Street above the The Adder and Jewels Winery.

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