Goodness, Gracious, Great Balls of Granite! is a secondary quest in the Blood and Wine expansion. In it, someone has stolen the "crown jewels" from the statue of Reginald d'Aubry.
- Wanted: professional to investigate mystery concerning Reginald d'Aubry's statue. Requirements: indomitable work ethic, absolute discretion and refinement in supernatural situations. Desirable: immaculate presentation, aesthetic sensitivity and knowledge of modern sculpture.
- For details, please see Rolande de Flakfizer, Curator of Art and Collectibles.
Walkthrough[]
Pick this up either as on the Gran'place's notice board or by walking around Lolivier Square to hear a man, Rolande, crying out that the exhibition is closed. Approach him and he'll originally try to send you off, but regardless of how you learned of it, he'll wise up and ask Geralt for his help with a discreet matter. He'll then show you the statue of Reginald d'Aubry which is, for lack of better words, missing its balls/stones. You can then ask some about the situation before he leaves you to investigate.
You can examine the statue then, facing it, go down the left stairs to see something on the trellis at the next flight down, which will make a scent trail appear. There's also a small piece of evidence in the corner from here, next to the potted roses. Follow the scent out the front door. If you're having a hard time seeing it here (like during the day) the trail goes left and up the hill, left towards the market, then west, up the stairs next to the Perfumery, and then stops halfway up at a house, where you can hear some obvious noises.
Enter for a cutscene where Hughes de Saberre is using the stones to satisfy a married woman, Rosalinda, and mistakes you for her husband. Answer however you want before Rosalinda's irate husband shows up, and you'll have to either fistfight him or use Axii (doesn't require Delusion but earns a minimum of 25
).
If you fought the husband and lost, you'll be told by Hughes that the husband had destroyed the stones while you were knocked out. Otherwise you'll have 3 further choices on what to do with the stones:
- let Hughes keep them
- take them back now
- lend them for a day
If you let him keep them, he'll give you 50 
then tells you to come back in a week and that he'll give you twice as much then. (100) However, a week later, you find Rosalinda crying at his doorstep, and there's a notice on the door saying that he died from overexertion, the stones nowhere to be found. Geralt will comment that at least Hughes died happy.
Important: Letting Hughes keep the stones will count as "Proof of Compassion" for There Can Be Only One.
Lending or taking them back right then only differ on how long you must wait to turn in the quest. If you lend them, you'll have to wait 24 hours before returning to Hughes, but either way he gives you back the stones.
Important: Getting the stones back will count as "Proof of Honor" for There Can Be Only One.
However it played out, it's time to turn in the quest with art curator. If you don't return the stones, he'll be upset and, feeling that all is lost, obviously doesn't give a reward. If you return the stones, he'll be thrilled and gives you a Reginald figurine, which you can put on display at Corvo Bianco. (100) He also tells you to return tomorrow for the reopening, when he will let you stroke the stones for free.
Note: If the stones are returned, after a day has passed you can at any time afterwards touch the fig leaf to receive a buff called "The Power of Reginald", which grants unlimited stamina while running for an hour of gameplay. If you wish to use this, it's a good idea to put a permanent marker for the statue on your map. If Patch 4.0 is installed, the buff instead grants increased stamina regeneration in combat, since the patch makes sprinting unlimited outside of combat.
Journal entry[]
- If Geralt learns of it in passing:
- A local art curator asked Geralt for help in a matter concerning the statue of Reginald d'Aubry – a local legend and national hero. Since the matter was of a delicate nature, he asked the witcher maintain absolute discretion. Geralt accepted the contract, not knowing he was in for quite the shock when the details of what he was to investigate and why were made known.
- If Geralt learns of through a notice board:
- On one of the notice boards of Beauclair Geralt found a very interesting contract. A certain man was looking for a discrete specialist in the supernatural. Geralt had the feeling this was directed at someone more or less just like him.
- If Geralt learns of it in passing:
- Geralt got knocked out by the husband:
- There are some parts of the White Wolf's story best passed over in silence. Loyalty to my friend does not allow me to say the famed witcher was sucker punched by a cuckolded husband even though he had nothing to do with the cuckolding in question...so it shall have to suffice to say Reginald's statue was not returned to its former glory. The rest will fade into oblivion.
- Geralt lets Hughes borrow the "stones" or directly takes them back:
- Geralt was able to retrieve "Beauclair's most valuable jewels" and Reginald d'Aubry's statue was once again made whole. Thanks to this, both the curator and a great number of local matrons were highly satisfied, people in general were more relaxed and merry, a bumper crop of children was on its way and tourism to Beauclair reached new heights. All thanks to a humble witcher.
- Geralt lets Hughes keep the "stones":
- Geralt tracked down the thief and confronted him, only to be confronted himself with a most atypical offer. The man wanted to borrow "Beauclair's most valuable jewels" for a few more days so he could... finish some things. Geralt showed understanding (a nod being as good as a wink to our worldly friend) and promised to return in a week. Do you know the saying about the butterfly that flaps its wings in Kovir and causes a hurricane in Cintra? All decisions have entirely unpredictable consequences, and this was no exception – the poor Hughes' heart could not bear his amatory gusto and burst from overexertion. The witcher was left with half his reward and a guilty conscience.
Objectives[]
- Talk to the art curator.
- Using your Witcher Senses, investigate the crime scene.
- Using your Witcher Senses, follow the scent.
- Enter the house.
- If you attack the husband:
- Defeat the attacker.
- If you let Hughes keep the stones:
- Wait 7 days and return to Hughes for your reward.
- Return to Hughes for the second part of your reward.
- If you lend the stones:
- Wait 1 day.
- Return to Hughes.
- Talk to the art curator.
Trivia[]
- The name of this quest is a quote from the song "Great Balls of Fire" by Jerry Lee Lewis.
- The name of the Knight Errant you fist fight is "Cuckold". The definition of Cuckold is a man whose wife is sexually unfaithful, regarded as an object of derision. Very fitting for this quest.
Videos[]
