The Taxman Cometh is a secondary quest in the Hearts of Stone expansion. Eventually, when Geralt is in possession of 35,000 or more, a tax collector in Oxenfurt's markets will stop the witcher to ask him a few questions about his income.
As you pass through Oxenfurt's markets, Walthemor Mitty will stop Geralt to question him about his sudden income discrepancy, which has no doubt raised suspicions. You'll then be asked three questions:
- Question #1 - Have you ever engaged in the wholesale trade of rawhide in the White Orchard area?
- This is in reference to the exploit where you would kill the cows in White Orchard to sell their hides and milk for great profit. You can answer either yes or no.
- Question #2 - Have you ever engaged in the acquisition of bivalves with the express intention of selling the pearls therein?
- This is in reference to a quick turnaround where you would buy sea shells, dismantle them for pearls, and sell them for a high profit. You can answer either yes or no.
- Question #3 - Have you ever waltzed into someone's home and taken something without their permission?
- You can answer either yes or no.
If you answered no to two or more of the exploit questions, he will hand you a diploma and bestow on you the title of Taxpayer in Good Standing. Suggesting you frame it, hang it in a place of honor.
Pay Back Your Taxes
If you answered yes to two or more of the exploit questions, he will hand you a summons to pay back your taxes. You will then have to report to the Vivaldi Bank in Novigrad with the document and pay a total of 1000 Crowns to pay it all off.
- Though he carried several pounds of silver on his back at all times, Geralt was usually quite coin-poor. Quality witcher gear costs a fortune, the rewards for his contracts were often meager and he often found it hard to resist splurging on rare gwent cards.
- Just when, despite all these obstacles, he'd managed to put together something of a nest egg... the tax office turned its greedy gaze on him!
- If Geralt answered no to 2 or more questions:
- Geralt patiently explained to the tax collector that he had made his modest fortune honestly, without breaking any of the tax codes numerous rules. Deputy Tax Enumerator Walthemor Mitty was so impressed by this honesty he awarded the witcher a commemorative vellum diploma. He advised Geralt to hang it somewhere at Kaer Morhen – above the mantle, if possible.
- If Geralt answered yes to 2 or more questions:
- The audit ended with Geralt receiving a summons for the payment of back taxes. A rather unpleasant turn of events, but what could Geralt do? Fighting the Wild Hunt's one thing, but taking on the tax office... that could get him in real trouble.
- Talk to the Deputy Tax Enumerator.
- If Geralt is given a summons:
- Pay your back taxes at the Vivaldi Bank.
- This quest was added to the game as a joke by the developers, in response to the discovery of several exploitable situations in the game, resulting in players obtaining extremely high amounts of coin relatively quickly (the most popular of which are referenced in the quest dialogue).
- Walthemor Mitty is likely a reference to the titular character in The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.
- The quest title is in reference to the play, The Iceman Cometh.